Would I consider, February’s experiment with Love Language a Resounding Success?
I think the idea of the love language quiz results was positive and my decision to use more of ‘A’s love language – Act’s of Service and Quality Time- were also good. ‘A’ seemed to appreciate my efforts!
But the core of any lasting relationship is respect, love, communication and support for each other. And Arie and I definitely have this! It took us a long time to find each other. (I was 43 when I got married). And because I was older and knew myself more, I had more realistic expectations about marriage.
I also think that you cannot get all your individual needs met with your main relationship. And that is okay. For example, if I enjoy talking about psychology, wellness and how people to relate to one another, my partner does not have to be the one I talk to be about this. I can talk to other friends who are interested in this topic. This is healthy as trying to force my husband to discuss topics he really is not interested in, just leads to frustration.
I have learnt this along the way. As long as ‘A’ and I are honest about what we like and don’t like and have a sense of humor about it, our path together is relatively smooth.
What do the experts say About Relationships?
Neena Lall, therapist based in New York City, says a happy relationship is built on communication and articulating what makes you happy. “You and your partner get to decide together what a happy relationship looks like for you,” she says.
Here are a few more signs you might notice in happy relationships, according to the experts. Each partner:
- actively plans and does things they know makes the other happy
- don’t publicly question another’s choices
- demonstrates compromise.
Building a happy, healthy relationship takes effort and commitment, along with a mutual desire to want to be together. According to experts, the foundation of being happy in a relationship is built on communication and trust.
If you remember from last month with the Love Language Experiment I conducted:
People with Act’s of Service love language see meaning in actions and feel loved when their partner is really making an effort for their sake.
|Acts of Service||Success||Why or Why Not?|
|Cooking Dinner 50% of the time||Maybe||He really enjoyed having me cook more. But then he got restless and wanted to do some of the dishes he likes and the spice level, 😉! For example, his curry is spicier than mine.
|Help more with grocery pick-up at Superstore||Yes||‘A’ dislikes doing this as he usually has to wait at least 20 minutes in the parking lot. I did it once, while he was out cross- country skiing. This was much appreciated!
|Find more chores that I could do or share||A little||I don’t think he noticed!|
People with Quality time love language really value the time two people spend together really enjoying each other’s company. People with this love language really value partners who make plans regularly, show up, and just want to spend tons of time hanging out with them, whether it’s a fancy date night or chilling on the couch watching Jeopardy (A’s favorite).
|Acts of Service||Success||Why or Why Not?|
|Commit to going out each week with “A” when he goes cross-country skiing||No||This is actually ‘A’s mental break and with some of the icy snow conditions, if I go too with him, he worries about me falling. (One time I fell and cracked my forehead on hard snow and this made me very dizzy afterwards for a couple of days). He likes for me to come when the conditions are good, otherwise it is stressful for him.|
|Plan together our upcoming trip in PEI of biking/walking around the island. (700 km’s)||Maybe||I did contact one bike shop about the trip and ordered a book from Charlottetown bookshop. A appreciated it, but we have not really gotten into the planning yet.|
|Try one new ethnic restaurant/shop per week.||Yes – highly successful||This activity was a big success! Arie and I tried 4 different restaurants – The Diner (High River), Momoko Sushi (1161 Northmount Dr NW), Chennai Spices (Hidden Creek Dr. NW) and BoRi Korean (3616 52 Ave NW Restaurant.|
So What Did I Learn?
I think the biggest take away from this experiment was that ‘A’ and I have a solid relationship and I feel very lucky!
‘A’ said he really appreciated my efforts and I think it did make him feel important. I felt good in trying harder for ‘acts of service’ and spending quality time together.
The biggest thing is going back to some of the activities that we used to do pre-pandemic, i.e. planning trips, eating out in different ethnic or interesting restaurants.
Since ‘A’ and I do spend a lot of time together, (we work from home) I guess the biggest thing is to get out and try new things, see new places and socialize with others. This is when we are happiest and it works for both of us. We like being outside and as we age this is becoming more and more important.
I also think the key is to have fun and enjoy each other’s company!
Do I think Emphasizing A’s Love Language Improved the Relationship?
A little bit, as we had fun, and with me talking about this blog and trying different activities picked up A’s spirits. He felt cared for and appreciated.
Love and Live Well,
One thought on “Did the Love Language Experiment Work?”
Very nice and interesting Diana