What exactly does growing old gracefully mean?
I looked up the word ‘gracefully’ and the dictionary stated:
in a smooth, relaxed, attractive way, or
in a polite and pleasant way.
And the example they give in a sentence is: ‘Growing old gracefully is a social dance in the third age’.
Hmm… if I reflect on this definition, I do not think it fits for how I want to age. To me this sounds like you don’t grow as a human, but keep a smile on your face and accept everything that comes your way. Be polite and don’t rock the boat!
I read one blog post by Dr. Cleave, which said, “Aging gracefully, to me, implies aging in the way society thinks we should age.”
As I watched my Dad age and struggle with illnesses, it was tough and not always graceful. He had to stand-up and advocate for himself while still maintaining his dignity. It takes strength, wisdom, and kindness for yourself and others.
A Better Definition
I think a better saying, for aging well, is: “grace under pressure”. I put this to the test this past month.
“A” had not one but two emergency visits and during this stressful time I kept repeating to myself I need to be there for him. Support, strength, compassion and steadiness were the words of the day. And I needed to take action to manage my mother-in-law who was expecting to go on a trip with us to Mexico to celebrate her 85th birthday. (The trip was cancelled.) Sitting in the emergency room twice, puts things into perspective and of what is truly important.
I learned quickly that living by my values of respect and kindness are easier said then done when in high stress situations. But I did it!
Sustaining Peak Performance As We Age
A growing pile of research shows we can sustain peak performance further into life than anyone thought possible. Sure, physical skills begin to decline in our thirties in roughly one percent a year thereafter.[1] But there other capabilities that do empower us as we age.
It’s Not All Bad News as we Age
As we enter our fifties, if we get “it” right, we gain access to a suite of legitimate superpowers. Over the course of that decade, there are fundamental shifts in the way brain processes information.
In simple terms, our ego starts to quiet and our perspective starts to widen.
Whole new levels of intelligence, creativity, empathy, and wisdom open up. As a result, key downstream skills like critical thinking, problem solving, creativity, communication, cooperation, and collaboration all have the potential — if properly cultivated — to skyrocket in our later years.[2]
What does it mean “getting it right” as we age?
To produce the necessary brain shifts, we must first pass through a series of gateways. Work in developmental psychology shows that crossing these thresholds is necessary for maintaining happiness and well-being into our august decades. More important here, if the goal is peak-performance aging, passing through these thresholds and unlocking our superpowers significantly helps offset the natural decline that comes with time.
What are the gateways you go through for performance aging?
By Age 30 we have figured out:
- Who we are in this world?
For me I think this took a little longer than by age 30. I would say it was closer to 45! I completed my MBA when I was 42 and got married when I was 43. So, I would say I was coming into my own around then.
By Age 40, we have figured out:
- How to make a living that is seriously aligned with our big five intrinsic motivators: curiosity, passion, purpose, autonomy, and mastery.
If I look at this gateway, I have never had a problem with being curious, and having autonomy with my consulting business. Have I mastered certain skills, probably… it is in the eye of the beholder! Purpose, I always struggled with and I have a variety of interests. For passion, not sure,… but maybe my curiosity makes up for it!
By Age 50, we need to:
- Forget old grudges, forgive those who have done us wrong, and generally clear our emotional slate.
Still working on this to become more forgiving and letting go of past hurts.
Beyond 50, we need to:
- Counteract the rising risk aversion and general fragility that accompany aging.
This point is interesting!
I was actually thinking about how I was much more of a free spirit (took more risks) in my 30’s and whether or not the old Diana still exists. Don’t get me wrong, I have a good life. But I do want to counteract the rising risk aversion or playing it safe.
If not now, when?
And for the general fragility that can accompany aging is something I have been writing about in this blog for the past 2 years, namely eating right, exercising (both cardio, strength & balance) and keeping social connections along with life-long learning.
As others, have said before me, aging is not for the faint of heart. That being said though, I am really optimistic for the next decade ahead.
Here’s to aging well, with grace under pressure, and living life to the fullest!
[1] https://bigthink.com/health/rules-for-sustaining-peak-performance-as-we-grow-older/
[2] Op Cit.