A Life in Transition

Aging and Facing Life Challenges

Let’s face it, sometimes life is hard: your best friend is diagnosed with cancer, the contract that you thought was going to come through disappears, and all your travel plans disappear for three years due to a world-wide pandemic.

So, what do you do?

Become depressed? Pretend it is not happening? Or get on with it and make the best of the situation?

How you respond to life events can really determine your outlook, which in-turn can affect longevity. It all has to do with stress and how you cope, for example, when your Dad dies or your mother is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.

Life is different on the other side of going through some type of change that had a lot of meaning for you. It shakes you up and for a while you lose your footing. You start to question, what it all means, this one precious life we are living.

For myself, I had to grieve the loss of my parent along with the loss of my old life. I am different now and going forward I hope I have the wisdom and compassion to give back to others and shine brightly.

The Second Half of Life: Falling Upward (By Richard Rohr)

I was attracted to this book in my quest to understand spirituality better and how best to move forward in understanding my place in the world. The book is written by a Franciscan Friar, who is the founder of the Center for Action and Contemplation. (Please note: He does the quote the bible, so if you are non-religious, this may distract you. It didn’t distract me, but I wanted to give you a heads-up.)

Rohr says: “A journey into the second half of our lives awaits us all. … In the first half of life, success, security, and containment – looking good to ourselves and others – are almost the only questions. They are the early stages in Malow’s hierarchy of needs.”

In my interpretation of his words, this is where we are getting our education, building our careers and/or raising our families.

“We all want and need various certitudes, constants, and insurance policies at every stage of life. But we have to be careful, or they totally take over and become all-controlling needs, keeping us from further growth.”

What Can Happen in the Second Half of Life?

“In the second half of life, we have less and less need or interest in eliminating the negative or fearful, making old rash judgments, holding onto old hurts, or feeling any need to punish other people.”

I find this interesting, as I have found a shift in my thinking in the last year or so, in letting things go, shifting my focus in the here and now, and looking for ways to give back.

When Is The transition to the Second Half of Life?

Rohr states, “The transition from the first half to the second half of life happens multiple times. … Some door might well open after a death in the family or of someone we love … More often than not, it’s many little moments of enlightenment, normally between ages forty and fifty-five.”

He comments that, “It feels like restlessness. Dissatisfaction. Some deep part of you pushing against the boundaries of your life. The unexpressed whole of you refuses to sit quietly any longer.”

The Vision for the Second Half of Life

If you remember from the very first aging well blog where I tried to define wellness, I had written:

“Although it always includes striving for health, it’s more about living life fully, and is “a lifestyle and a personalized approach to living life in a way that… allows you to become the best kind of person that your potentials, circumstances, and fate will allow”.

I think the second part of this statement, “to becomes the best kind of person your potential, circumstances, and fate will allow is a characteristic of the second half of life.”

Light Bulb Moment! I get it now.

If I connect the dots from this statement to actionable items that create more happiness in my life, it all makes sense.

What Brings You Happiness

Research shows that a great deal of our own happiness is from:

• Devoting time to family and friends
• Cultivating and expressing gratitude
• Experiencing flow states where you are completely absorbed in what you are doing in either work or leisure
• Building resilience for when stress or even tragedy strikes
• Doing acts of kindness and generosity for others.[1]

“If you want to be happy, practice compassion,” as the Dalai Lama says.

This makes sense, as all of these action items relate to, “being the best kind of person”.

How do We Prosper in the Second Half of Life?

1. Self-Acceptance

From my reading, I understood it to mean that we shift to complete self-acceptance. That doesn’t mean that you think you are perfect or there is no more to learn, but rather that you accept your idiosyncrasies or differences from, for example, your family and you are okay with that.

2. Acceptance of Others

The second point is having acceptance of the way things are. It doesn’t mean you don’t work to find ways to do things better, but you accept things how they are now so it doesn’t drive you crazy.

3. Full Belonging

The third point is to shift to full belonging. I always struggled with this as some of my thinking at a young age was different from my family and I was labelled as ‘being different.” I didn’t fit into the tribe.

But as you transition into the second half of life and gain acceptance of yourself without trying to squash yourself into a round hole if you are a square peg, you start to feel how you naturally fit into the whole pattern of things.

In other words, you can finally give yourself fully to the world. And you can finally receive all the world offers you.

Powerful Stuff!

I wouldn’t say I am quite there yet, but I do have moments. My goal for writing this piece isn’t to hurry you into the second half of life, as the first half is equally important.

Our stories unfold on their own timelines. And being occasionally lost is one of the features of a well -lived life.

As always, take care, and live well,

[1] Lyubomirsky Sonja, (n.d.), Happier App.